


Blood Dripping

by the_human_toast



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive John Winchester, Angst, Bad Parent John Winchester, Dead Dean Winchester, Murder, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:01:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25300537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_human_toast/pseuds/the_human_toast
Summary: Dean died. Sam's copping
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	Blood Dripping

**Author's Note:**

> TW: gore, suicide, murder. Please take care of yourself, don't read this if you think it can trigger you.
> 
> I hope you like it, have a nice day :)
> 
> (Sam is 15 and Dean 19)

Sam is biting the shit out of his lip to keep himself from breaking the fuck down in the middle of chemistry class.

He has been trying to focus on the assignment but he can't. He can’t because Dean is dead, Dean is dead and Sam has no fucking idea of how he's supposed to be alive when his brother isn't. 

Dean is dead and that’s all that matters, all that fucking matters so bonding electrons can go fuck themselves because Dean's dead and the whole world has stopped being worth a damn to Sam.

Dean's dead and Sam wonders how long will it fucking take until he willingly follows.

He can still see him, pale with wide eyes that seemed empty of everything, of anything. A body broken down to bleeding pieces of flesh and blood. A ribcage wide open and heartless and Sam wants to fucking die because of course it had to be a werewolf, because of course Dean's heart had to be missing.

There is a clock on top of the chalkboard, old and a few minutes late, but Sam still stares at it, waiting, waiting, waiting. 

There is something soothing in the way the thin black line that counts the second, clicks; there is something familiar in how it sounds, mechanical, like the impala's engine roaring under him, or the sound guns make when they are set apart and put back together by Dean. 

So Sam stares at the clock, holds on to the way it sounds when it moves, to the certenty that time hasn't stopped, that Sam is not trapped in a time loop that goes on forever and repeats Dean's death over and over again. So Sam stares at the clock because the way it sounds is mechanical and reminds him of the sound a gun makes when is set apart and put back together by Dean, and he needs to hold on to what little of Dean remains in the world or he'll go insane.

The moment the bell rings, Sam is put of there. He takes his bag and runs to the bathroom, he doesn't remember anything of what the teacher said, he doesn't remember walking into the bathroom but there he is, washing his hands frenetically with cold water until they are freezing, and then he washes them again, to make sure they are clean. 

They're not clean. They're not fucking clean so Sam washes them again, when he looks at his hands Sam sees them red and blood dripping, blood dripping.

Dean appears at his side, his chest is not open and heartless and Sam is so relieved, so fucking happy for once in his life. Dean walks to his side and takes Sam's hands in his, and gently washes them, and suddenly they are not red and blood dripping, they are clean, clean. 

"It wasn't your fault, Sammy" Dean says, his hands still holding Sam's, "I didn't want you to go with us, you couldn’t have done anything to save me. I wouldn’t have let you get close. It wasn't your fault. My blood is not in your hands, I promise, little brother" 

Sam breaks down right there, in the arms of a brother that is long dead and not really there. Crying, crying. He think of the sound a gun makes when its set apart and put back together by Dean. He thinks about his own hands, red and blood dripping and forever stained.

Dean holds him, whispers 'I love you' over and over again, whispers 'You did nothing wrong' over and over again, whispers 'I couldn’t be saved' over and over again, but Sam knows Dean is wrong, he knows his brother could have been saved, he knows if John hadn’t used him as bait, Dean would be alright, holding Sam in arms that are not made of dust, pulling him into a chest with a heartbeat. 

Sam takes Dean's hands in his and wraps his fingers around the wrist of a dead brother, looking for a heartbeat, looking for a heartbeat, but Dean's heart has been ripped out and eaten by a werewolf and there is no heart to beat, and there is no pulse to find. 

Dean kisses the top of Sam's head "I love you, Sammy. I love you. You did nothing wrong". 

Sam looks down at his hands and sees them red and blood dripping and forever stained.

"I love you, Sammy. I love you. You did nothing wrong"

Damn right he didn't.

Blood dripping. Blood dripping. Blood dripping and red stained.

And not even Dean can get them clean.

"I love you, Sammy. I love you. You did nothing wrong"

There is a body three states away that has no teeth and no fingertips.

Blood dripping. Blood dripping.

A body that is faceless because Sam made sure no one would ever be able to know who it belonged to.

"I love you. I love you, Sammy. I love you, lilttle brother. I'm sorry for letting him take me from you".

The body of a man who had two sons and let one die.

"Dean, I made him pay. Dean I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. Why did you leave? Why didn't we run away? Dean, I can't do this. Dean, I can't do this".

Dean hushes Sam's cries, he kisses the top of Sam's head. "You don't have to, Sammy. You can come with me, there's a place for pain in the ass little brothers in here" 

Sam looks at his hands and they are red and blood dripping. Blood dripping. Blood dripping.

"Show me?" He asks. Dean kneels and takes out the gun in Sam's boot, the very same one that blew John's brains off. Dean puts it in red stained and blood dripping hands, he takes Sam's hand in his and pushes the end of the gun into Sam's mouth until it hits the back of his throat.

And suddenly, Sam's hands are not the only thing that is red stained and blood dripping. Blood dripping. Blood dripping.


End file.
